i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
