I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
