Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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