I can't watch pbs sober anymore
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
