Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
