is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
