Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
