im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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