Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
