This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
