i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
