Your tits are I can't wait for
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
