currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
