me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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