Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
