so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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