He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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