took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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