DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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