He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
