i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
should my penis look like a turkey
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
