His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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