so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
