I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
