This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
