You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
