Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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