i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
