a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
