some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
