I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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