You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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