sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No subtext here. People are naked.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
