He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
