Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
