According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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