as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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