I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Never joke about your clitoris.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
