her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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