He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
