It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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