i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
