Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
