don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
