yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
