The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
