Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
