Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
