Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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