I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
