Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
