I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
