Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
