So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
