Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
